How long has it been?
Saturday, October 6, 2012 | 3:03 AM | 0 comments
Hmms, how long has it been since I had last posted?
Life, I am as amazed as it is as always.
Tests, Experiences, Memories, Challenges, they make my story even more beautiful with each day..
Hahahas, it would have been much embarrassing to say..
But this year, I think I became more vulnerable. Emotional.
That sucks, a lot.
Caught up with many things and found myself sinking into a pool of emotions
I keep missing Secondary School, is this normal?
I miss dance, I miss how we keep grumbling at JiaoLian, how our legs ache for three days, how happy we were just because we split a centimeter more, how we train so late together, how we create memories together. How we cried so badly in our dance room after the announcement of SYF results..
I miss my class, how everyone was such a stranger to everyone.
How we all tried to lie to the teachers(;b), how we worked hard together, how we encouraged each other- with the use of teenyweeny post-its that can just make my day.
How we all share jokes, how we all challenge each other to finish as many test papers, how we keep grumbling not enough time, not enough sleep.
How we go to recess as a gang and always finish together and push someone to keep the bowls. How we always gossip, how we always stand by each other.
How we find teachers together for consultations, how we always compare our results, how we always,... try to talk about our future, our future plans so we will never forget each other. How I promised to play a duet with Green Sheep, Bake at Van's house, Go on a purple spree with purple monster, Go and spazz with Twinnie, and Go Korea with my buds.
I miss School. Secondary School to be more specific.
I miss being young, when throwing tandrums was acceptable. When people don't wear three four masks. When people don't judge you. When you can always be weak, and is okay..
Back from memory lanee...
Promos has finally ended, it was early this week on monday.
I'll be frank, the effort ain't half of O's, but who am I kidding, I have yet to give 100% for anything... Unless studying became my passion or something..
It's.. amazing how a distinct trait of a scorpio is rarely displayed, rather frustrating as well.
And, I have recovered from my wound. Sensitive as usual, but I have came back.
The truth is, even if everyone leave me, it won't matter a few years later. People come and go, this is a life truth everyone knows and cannot change anything
But, what one can do is to accept.
If you leave me for her, I hope you will live well, and won't get hurt.
Also, A's, is next year... *deep breaths*
Can I do it?... Like really stay focus for a whole full year?
Aish, must learn to make it my passion, soon
So, this year is ending soon, my birthday is coming, 17 soon... how have I grown?
I hope, the new year, the year when I'm 17, I can still become a strong woman.
And learn to be forgiving.
I have grown up a lot this year, and improved a lot.
There's more I need to learn, a whole lot of guidance needed.
And, I think I will find my true self soon, very soon I hope.
And... I must say one last thing..
The only regret of next year, is that I made my parents worry.
It was unintentional, and not within my control, but it still hurts me a lot.
I suffered for a whole two weeks, trying my best to resolve, and I failed.
Eventually I shed light, and gave it a shot, God bless them, and Thank God, all turn well..
I am really really honored and extremely grateful for having such parents to guide me well and make me grow so well..
Recently my friend asked me why am I such a good girl? Was my parents fierce?
I pondered for a few moments, actually my parents are not fierce. Sure, naggy like everyone, and perhaps sometimes raise their volumes by a few decibels.. but that don't mean they are fierce. I couldn't reply my friend.
Actually, I have been living with a label of a good girl since young. And it has been rather pressurising to meet the expectations of everyone. And, you know, actually sometimes I wanna be wild. I wanna try to be goth and have purple hair. Or maybe try to follow my stars and perhaps dye my hair red. Or try to hang out late in my friend's house just having slumber party and be a naughty girl and not sleep till 7 in the morning. I wanna try purposely getting a dog and bring home (I hope my mum don't read this >< ) , or try and talk back to teachers or play prank at them. I wanna try those, ..
And I am not a good girl..
Comeon, I am probably the only one among my friends that keep wishing to pon useless extra lesson, or useless sessions in CCas.. I don't do my homework sometimes and... vent my anger out.
Haish, and when everyone thinks you're a good girl, they judge you. Again.
But anyway, The truth is, my parents are strict, but also gave us freedom. Even if I'm the oldest, I won't try to rebel or something. I don't really know, why. I don't think there is a reason. Parents gave me a life, I owe them a life. To repay their debts is insufficient with cold hard cash, even if I'm a good girl with good grades, it is insufficient to repay them. The pain and hurt they suffered without me knowing can never be apologised enough too. The thoughtful actions they carried out, for us, we can never be better and repay them. This is parental love I guess, some great magical force that binds three people together before birth, during birth, as you grow up, and even if you die. I am grateful for my parents have raised me well and taught me well. I'm sorry, for causing you pain and worries. In my new age, I will work hard to be the best daughter for both of you and her. And, I will not make you worry.
I have so much more to do and say, and there just ain't enough time. I will work hard. That's the only promise I can keep :)
Have a nice weekend all. I hoped in these few months before 2012 ends, you all will live well, and with a smile, and not end it with anger.
P/s My OP is coming><AHHHHHH