forever imperfect, but forever me

Thanksgiving
Friday, November 25, 2011 | 5:24 AM | 0 comments
I have been thinking a lot of how I should write this. Every year, the couple of few things I wrote are pretty much the same. It's pretty obvious there are some, which I can never thank enough (i.e God, Parents, Siblings, friends..)
But, 2011, it seems so special.
The year I'm 16,
The year of my major exams
The year of losses
The year of sorrow
The year of rabbit
The year before 2011
The last year of learning in Secondary School
The last chapter of secondary school
The last moments with my Secondary school friends..etc

The 365 days, simply cannot be describe in words, paragraphs, or even a book.
It's probably, not the most exciting, most happy, most perfect story
But its most enriching, most meaningful, most tears, most memories, most smiles, most understanding, most growing up, most letting go..etc


This Chapter ends, and I'll soon embrace my next chapter..
To be frank, I wouldn't say it was my best years
But, I would say, its a year, I believe I have grown up the most
I did especially much research regarding my horoscope
Some thinks horoscopes , are..well, act of being superstitious, or just plain foolish. I mean, a couple of stars could tell you about yourself..?
Well, I beg to differ.
Some people take a few years, their whole life to understand themselves
Horoscopes aren't always true, but they are my first steps to understanding myself and changing myself.
My sign, is an extremely.. obnoxious I may say..
We are extremely sensitive, We are short-tempered, do not forgive and forget easily, value relationships a lot, we aren't the friendliest people, which explains our small circle of friends.
These, are really really hard to change.
I would rather be like Cancer or Libra, with their outgoing personality
Or Pisces' own attraction to friends, especially with their loyalty, and big heart
Or maybe even Sagittarius, with their happy-go-lucky character that makes people feels happy around them..

Yeah, Scorpios aren't the best of signs when it comes to these points.
However, I was amazed but the authenticity of the other positive points. Scorpios are extremely determined and passionate. For their dreams, they would go all the way to achieve it. They say it, they'll do it. They may be sensitive, but for people important to them, they give it all. They do their best for them. Scorpios are people watchers, they don't usually take lime light, but instead observe the people. They are brutally honest. They are loyal friends too (unless betrayed, revenge would be coming your way)

It wasn't the easiest year as I struggled with many losses,..etc
I've grown up. I know that (:
The world is a big place, and I'm still living in my small world, in the greenhouse, under comfortable conditions. My short small roots and feeble tiny leaves can never survive well in other places.

If I was like what my horoscope had claimed, a people-watcher. Then, I've learnt a lot.
I have been living in my own fairytale for 15years, and well, I've learnt.
Life is no longer a fairytale
Life is no longer what we perceived as
I guess, that's the life that all parents are trying to protect us.
One day, we still have to find our way out of the swamp, jungle, maze, desert, iceland

Therefore, after all those many words..
I am thankful for all those pains I had suffered this year. I now know, those pains are just like needle pricks only, I've not experience the real pain. I'm not ready for the real pain

I'm thankful for all the losses I had, there were so so so many of them. It was so hard letting go. This year, I was given two pieces of advice "Let Go" and "Don't be scared of failures". This great friend of ours never fails to give us the best-est advice forever. My gratitude for him is endless :D So, although I had yet to mastered "letting go", at least I ain't like before anymore.
Thank for patiently giving me all those testpapers repeatedly. It must be annoying that I keep needing to redo papers eh? ><

Thank you, for letting me grow up. Letting me take baby steps into the real world, outta my greenhouse, into the wilderness. I have a lot to learn, ..

Thank you for all the chances and opportunities you had given me. They were priceless, magical, absolutely perfect everytime. I never dared to question God's timing <3

Thank you for all your surprises, twist and turns. Those were really surprises. I am sorry for my small outburst of anger. But, still Thankyou (:

Thank you, for letting me understand my family and friends better. It was a year of juggling many things, understanding people were among the list of things. I may not have understood everyone, but, I know them better (:

Thank you for letting me see everything in many directions/dimensions. I really have a lot to learn.

Thank you for your patience. I'm still slow in changing, still quick-tempered, sensitive... but your patience is endless and I'm really really grateful (:

For Family :
Dad-
We shared so many memories, I couldn't believe a year has passed. He is such a great man to me like a strong strong strong pillar of support. His endless care and concern, words of advice somehow always touches me. He's a really strong man, and I have lots to learn from him. He taught me much patience this year. And, how to handle more things I face in life. Seriously, if I never had him, I really don't know what to do with my life.
Thankyou for all your lessons, always not forgetting me , your student. Always ensuring I am on the right path, experiencing the best out of everything. For all the "Best" you had always tried to give me, I would totally be able to label my life as "Perfect" Thank you for being the best best best guy in my life <3

Mum-
I really can't find a better word than BFF? Who can read my mind better than her? Though this year, everyone changed, we didn't have much time together as life took our time away, she's always there. I know that (: Even as I walked through the dark caves, I know she's there, somewhere, holding an invisible light for me. I know its tough for her to always look out for the three of us. And I always try to be the perfect little girl, so they never have to worry. But somehow, I always made them worry. I'm sorry :'( Thankyou for always being so forgiving and helping me always. Accepting all of me, my flaws, attitude..etc. You are really really the best-est friend I could ever get. I couldn't thank God enough for blessing me with such an awesome mum. When they say the three of us look like sisters, how I wish it were true (;
Thank you for always watching out for me. Making sure everything is perfect. Making sure whatever you do doesn't affect me at all. Always support all those endless dreams I had created. Always supporting whatever decisions I had made. Always pushing me on when Life brings me down. Always throwing a few lessons in bite size. Always making sure we have the best of everything (:

I will never trade anyone for the both of you <3
My only regret, is I had never been the perfect little girl for both of you :'(

Sister:
Darling girl, you are all grown up. Sometimes, its so hard for me to see you no longer like how we used to be. Young and always making jokes out of everything. You're the best-est BFF I could ever get. I am extremely sorry for all the time I had missed creating perfect memories with you. Though life took our time away, I am glad we shared the best, the most versatile language, music <3 The one that started us all (:
Thankyou for being a strong girl, always looking out for the both of us. Thankyou for always caring for us, giving us the best. I had let you suffered a lot, though I'm the eldest.
I'm sorry for not giving you enough. Thankyou for always fulfilling my endless requests, my personality, my impatience, my temper, my annoying.. Thankyou <3
Thankyou for being the best-est sister in the world <3
Neomu Saranghabnida Dongsaeng-nim. Jeongmal, -Unnie

Brother:
My handsome boy, you are the best gift to us all. We love you a lot a lot. I'm sorry for not able to protect you enough. Give you the childhood that both of us had. Because of different gender and age gap :( I still try my best, I hope you can see my heart and effort. That will always be my greatest regret.
Thankyou for being such a sweet brother. Being such a mature boy, making mature decisions. Thankyou for always fufilling my requests and always sharing your joy with me. Thankyou for loving piano like I do. Thankyou for being such a lovable boy that always thinks of me as often as Daddy, Mummy and 2Jie. Thankyou for being understanding Thankyou for being childish. Thankyou for reminding us childhood. Thankyou for all the little lessons. Thankyou for being another person I could give my love to (:
Please grow up well, and be strong. No matter how, I can't always protect you. Sometimes, I wish I'm a guy and can help you stand up tall. I'm trying, and I love you (:

If 2012 were true, my last regrets was not spending more time with you, saying enough "sorry" and "thankyou".

I sincerely Thank God for blessing me with them

Though its late, Happy Thanksgiving!

I believe now, its just a gift from God, for all her plannings.
Life, is a present itself.
It is the best present I could ever get :D
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Love Notes
She doesn't believe in fairytales
She only believes that everything in life happens for a reason
She's the writer of her life
She's holding the pen
The little notes from the book are here
This is her life, her book
Chapter 1ended
Chapter 2ended
Chapter 3ended
Chapter 4ended
Chapter 5ended
Chapter 6ended
Chapter 7Begins..


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